For the most part of my life I've kept people at a distance. Mostly out of fear of their opinion, also because I was comfortable in my bubble. I wouldn't get too close and they wouldn't have the opportunity to leave. Then one day I was faced with losing all that I loved. I had to reflect on my whole life. Trust me...this is something that you don't want to do, but you MUST do. To go forward sometimes you have to look back. I realize how selfish I had been in most all that I had ever done. What was I gonna do about it? Something I had never done before...give myself to those who need me.
The very first step for me was when I was having a garage sale recently. A mother and her teenage pregnant daughter pulled up and the mother came up and asked if it would be ok if her daughter could use my bathroom. My first instinct was to say, "I'm sorry but my toilet isn't working." But something in me said to open up. So I let her in. The living room was a pig sty and I'm sure the toilet needed a cleaning. What was she going to steal that I wouldn't be able to catch? Toothpaste? It went well. She felt relieved and she opened up to me. Turned out she was going to be setting up house just before the baby's due date. Once I heard that, I sold her all the extra towels and hand rags I had for dirt.....dirt cheap (I'm talking change from a dollar cheap). I asked her what else she needed. I was ready to give her just about anything she needed. Just imagine how hard her days are going to be once that baby comes. I was willing to do what I could to make it easier. They left with smiles on their faces and my heard felt warmer.
The next was when I was on my way up to my old job to pick up some copies...waaaay up in Castleton. The day was hot and I had first stopped at the gas station and picked up two bottles of Gatorade. My stomach hadn't much felt like keeping food in it the days prior so I figured I'd just have a liquid diet that day and planned on drinking only those two bottles all day. By the time I had made it up to Castleton the day had gotten quite humid. As I came off the interstate there was a homeless man w/his cardboard sign w/his story of the day on it. I had no money. I had no food and I was alone so I didn't plan on taking him anywhere. His face was red and leathered from many hours out in the sun. He had a very blank expression on his face. It almost seemed like the spark was fading, by this time it was nearing 5pm. I pulled up to him and handed him my 2nd bottle of Gatorade, not yet opened. His face lit up, a smile brightened his demeanor and he said with a skip in his voice, "Thank you sweetheart, God bless you. Its nasty hot out here!" Once I was done at the office I went back the same way and he appeared to be renewed in his emotion and had a nice smile to his face.
There was quite a bit of time span from then to now. But I was still looking for that opportunity to arise. I was hoping for a different situation to pop up, but God pushed me to something else.
VBS was approaching and the youth staff had been announcing the need for help. I approached someone working VBS and stated that I was interested in something "behind the scenes". Ya know, in the kitchen, away from ALL THOSE KIDS!!! Most of these kids come from difficult situations and I really wasn't wanting to get involved in someone else's problems. I had enough of my own. I really just wanted something to do to keep my mind of them. Something where I didn't have to open myself to anyone. HA! God had other plans. The person I approached suggested I come to the meeting that following Sunday. So I did. Dinner was served and as we sat there our youth minister said that if we hadn't been assigned to anything prior to that night then we were now Crew Leaders (ie...with the kids!). UGH! But that's not what I wanted I said in my head. And ya wanna know what happened? God, yes God, told me, "It's what I want you to do my daughter. Trust me." I took a deep breath as I left and submitted to what was laid before me.
Well, tonight was day two of VBS. Day two of my being a Crew Leader. WOW! For one, its actually pretty easy. Two, those kids were just as nervous as I was. So I made sure to tell them I was nervous too and that made them feel more at ease. Each wanted to tell me everything about themselves that they possibly could. One little girl even wanted to hold my hand and it was only the first night! Tonight that little girl and her cousin that are in my group had a little spat. I pulled them separately aside. The first one, began to cry. I held her and told her that I loved her but that they couldn't be like this and if she wanted I could ask to have them separated so that they could enjoy themselves better. She kept crying and said she didn't know what she wanted. The oldest girl befriended her while I talked to the next one. She had quite the different attitude. She hadn't realized she hurt the other's feelings and she didn't seem to care. The leaders had said earlier that if there were any problems to let them know. I didn't want to rock the boat, but I wanted BOTH girls to get the most out of this experience with no more tears. So I brought it to a leader's attention and they're going to take care of it. Whew! This was one reason I was afraid of getting involved. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. This way I don't have to. I get to continue doing what I love to do...have fun! The rest of the group gets along really well. I'm really enjoying all the activities and hearing what each kid has to share about each section. It is sooo exciting seeing these kids learn more about the bible and God's love. I have even been able to answer some questions. To think one day they are going to remember whatever it is I told them. HOW COOL! I have made a difference! That feels so fantastic, to make that kind of impact, no matter how small it may be. All because I put aside my selfish desires and did what God wanted me to do. I'm gonna have to do this more often!
I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!
