Time for a Change!!

So, I've reached a point in my life that I am completely disgusted with what I see in the mirror.  I have decided to make it a point to lose weight and become healthier.  Since my fall, I have packed on the pounds! The inactivity I fell into was a result of two things, pain and depression.  It hurt to do anything normal and I became depressed by it.  My husband was having his health issues and I HAD to be there for him! How can I be that support when it hurt to help?  

The depression took over my life for a long while.  It made the decisions on what I ate and how long I would sleep.  I hid myself on Facebook and tv.  There were several moments when the real me would shine through and I'd do ok for a little while, but that dark side would smash her face in within days.  I even got motivated enough to sign up to a gym, but then that dark me would take over and give me every reason in the book not to go.

Finally, one day I just had enough! I decided I was going to take back my body and my health.  The journey has only begun, but I know it is going to be worth it.  I am now following several people on youtube that have inspired me to be more positive.  To be that silly, happy me that the dark side tries to kill each day.  Journaling has always been an out for me and my most inner thoughts.  I learned at a young age that most people cannot be trusted with some of the thoughts that run through my head.  People, even your friends and family, do not truly want you to be awesome.  It makes them feel bad about themselves.  We don't like to see what is wrong with us.  We, deep down, want everyone around us to be doing worse than us.  We want to be the successful one!  

See, this is what I used to think!  I have learned in the last few years that when you surround yourself with selfish, negative people you will start to act  in the same way! Even if you really aren't that way!!  With this new outlook of what I had been surrounding myself with, I searched out the positive.  I actually began listening to God tell me that I have it in me to change.

So, now that our family has a trip booked to Hawaii, I started working out and tracking my diet.  I use a really great app on my phone called MyFitnessPal and I try to get to the gym at least three times a week.  Slowly, I am seeing and feeling a difference.  Now that the light in me is trying to keep its reign, the dark side of me tries harder for a coup.  

Now I'm going to reach out through a blog that I plan on starting in the near future. (Next week?)  I am so thankful for the ladies I reached out to that replied back with their positive feedback.  To those that chose not to throw some light to me, I will be sure not to ask you your opinion on my blog.  I don't need to be disappointed! I will find those who want to help lift up not only me, but those around them also. I will look to them, read their blogs, and feel that love that is out there.

Fake ice cream killed my blender!

Lately, my lovely daughter and I have been trying out different things from Pinterest.  Most of our food quests have turned out very well or acceptably close! lol We've tackled many of the homemade cleaners and the like with success.  Crafts you say? Well, we've approached those with kid gloves.  I will talk more of those endeavors as we continue. 

Just last week, or so, I discovered the Pintester and have saved myself some heartache and $$$.  I love to bake, but have not mastered it by any means.  I have done enough to know how to bring my hubby to the so-called yard and marvel at my yummy creations.  Due to all my daughter's and my baking quests, I have put on just a few pounds...HA! Just a few my foot.  You know how it is! You can dominate just about any diet change until the evening and those cravings for something deliciously sinful start stirring.  Damned chocolate!! So when I came across fake ice cream I had to read more! A way to eat something with chocolate AND peanut butter that tasted just like ice cream? NO WAY! Game ON!

So I made a small batch using 3 average sized slightly brown nanners(yup you read that correctly, I have kids and after being around them all day I can't help but carry on their grammar), a dollup of peanut butter and a splashing of cocoa.  I was practically stalking the freezer until the bananas frozen!! The directions suggested using a food processor, however, my broke butt doesn't own one.  I do, luckily, have in my possession an electric blender! So, I carried on and created this fabulous "ice cream" and fell in love.  The 3 bananas made enough for two skinny chicas to devour or one curvy momma to endulge.  I took what I made to my city group (most people call it a Bible study but this dives even deeper into your life..I digress) to share with my friend.  We didn't speak much as we just couldn't keep the spoons from heaving these spoonfuls into our mouths!  I wish I took a picture so that you could see how truly small this was, but how much it was worth! Here's what was posted on Pinterest:

One week later and twice the amount of nanners I thought I'd have enough for my daughter, the few ladies at my group and me.  The nanners were frozen and cut, the blender was clean and ready to go so I began the process of getting the bananas into the blender and getting torn to bits. Well. It didn't quite work the way I thought it would.  The bananas closest to the blades blended well, but all the rest just stayed as far away from them as possible.  So I grabbed my wooden spoon and through the hole at the top I attempted to push down what I could. Here's what happened to my spoon:

I moved on to using my plastic spoon and dug out the stupid wood chips..lol.  The spoon worked much better (who'd of thought?) at pushing down the unblended bananas. At least it seemed to be working. I noticed at the highest setting the pace appeared to be slowing down. Then it was the smell that got to me.  Of course, silly me thought darling hubby was burning something.  After adament denials from him and the kids I came back to the kitchen and noticed smoke coming from the blender that my sweet sweet mother let me borrow to create those wonderful smoothies I've been seeing posted. I hadn't finished and I just didn't have it in me to carry on to hand mix the peanut butter and cocoa in it.  Here's what I had so far:

So, I guess there's a perfectly good reason they require you to use a food processor, huh?  Lesson learned.

Wow...Its been a long time since I blogged. So much has happened. Short story is my husband and I are back together and all is well.

The biggest lesson I think I've learned is that when you really let go and actually give it to God you can see him working! He REALLY does answer prayers, not always in our time or how we want, but he does!

The hardest thing I've had to do in the last year was say goodbye to a friend I've known for quite a long time. Not very many people can understand my reasoning and I can understand it because it was quite an extreme move for me. I don't like change and I especially hate knowing people think negatively of me, but I needed to do something extreme if I really wanted to change my life. I had to dig deep and discover what was my biggest obstacle to becoming a better and stronger me and that was my friendship with this person. Being friends with her was just not healthy for me.

Since severing that friendship my husband came home, I've become a stronger person and more sure of myself as a mother, a nurse and a wife. I wonder how many people could improve their lives if they'd only let go of a friendship that is truly pulling them under?

Getting out of my comfort zone

For the most part of my life I've kept people at a distance. Mostly out of fear of their opinion, also because I was comfortable in my bubble. I wouldn't get too close and they wouldn't have the opportunity to leave. Then one day I was faced with losing all that I loved. I had to reflect on my whole life. Trust me...this is something that you don't want to do, but you MUST do. To go forward sometimes you have to look back. I realize how selfish I had been in most all that I had ever done. What was I gonna do about it? Something I had never done before...give myself to those who need me.

The very first step for me was when I was having a garage sale recently. A mother and her teenage pregnant daughter pulled up and the mother came up and asked if it would be ok if her daughter could use my bathroom. My first instinct was to say, "I'm sorry but my toilet isn't working." But something in me said to open up. So I let her in. The living room was a pig sty and I'm sure the toilet needed a cleaning. What was she going to steal that I wouldn't be able to catch? Toothpaste? It went well. She felt relieved and she opened up to me. Turned out she was going to be setting up house just before the baby's due date. Once I heard that, I sold her all the extra towels and hand rags I had for dirt.....dirt cheap (I'm talking change from a dollar cheap). I asked her what else she needed. I was ready to give her just about anything she needed. Just imagine how hard her days are going to be once that baby comes. I was willing to do what I could to make it easier. They left with smiles on their faces and my heard felt warmer.

The next was when I was on my way up to my old job to pick up some copies...waaaay up in Castleton. The day was hot and I had first stopped at the gas station and picked up two bottles of Gatorade. My stomach hadn't much felt like keeping food in it the days prior so I figured I'd just have a liquid diet that day and planned on drinking only those two bottles all day. By the time I had made it up to Castleton the day had gotten quite humid. As I came off the interstate there was a homeless man w/his cardboard sign w/his story of the day on it. I had no money. I had no food and I was alone so I didn't plan on taking him anywhere. His face was red and leathered from many hours out in the sun. He had a very blank expression on his face. It almost seemed like the spark was fading, by this time it was nearing 5pm. I pulled up to him and handed him my 2nd bottle of Gatorade, not yet opened. His face lit up, a smile brightened his demeanor and he said with a skip in his voice, "Thank you sweetheart, God bless you. Its nasty hot out here!" Once I was done at the office I went back the same way and he appeared to be renewed in his emotion and had a nice smile to his face.

There was quite a bit of time span from then to now. But I was still looking for that opportunity to arise. I was hoping for a different situation to pop up, but God pushed me to something else.

VBS was approaching and the youth staff had been announcing the need for help. I approached someone working VBS and stated that I was interested in something "behind the scenes". Ya know, in the kitchen, away from ALL THOSE KIDS!!! Most of these kids come from difficult situations and I really wasn't wanting to get involved in someone else's problems. I had enough of my own. I really just wanted something to do to keep my mind of them. Something where I didn't have to open myself to anyone. HA! God had other plans. The person I approached suggested I come to the meeting that following Sunday. So I did. Dinner was served and as we sat there our youth minister said that if we hadn't been assigned to anything prior to that night then we were now Crew Leaders (ie...with the kids!). UGH! But that's not what I wanted I said in my head. And ya wanna know what happened? God, yes God, told me, "It's what I want you to do my daughter. Trust me." I took a deep breath as I left and submitted to what was laid before me.

Well, tonight was day two of VBS. Day two of my being a Crew Leader. WOW! For one, its actually pretty easy. Two, those kids were just as nervous as I was. So I made sure to tell them I was nervous too and that made them feel more at ease. Each wanted to tell me everything about themselves that they possibly could. One little girl even wanted to hold my hand and it was only the first night! Tonight that little girl and her cousin that are in my group had a little spat. I pulled them separately aside. The first one, began to cry. I held her and told her that I loved her but that they couldn't be like this and if she wanted I could ask to have them separated so that they could enjoy themselves better. She kept crying and said she didn't know what she wanted. The oldest girl befriended her while I talked to the next one. She had quite the different attitude. She hadn't realized she hurt the other's feelings and she didn't seem to care. The leaders had said earlier that if there were any problems to let them know. I didn't want to rock the boat, but I wanted BOTH girls to get the most out of this experience with no more tears. So I brought it to a leader's attention and they're going to take care of it. Whew! This was one reason I was afraid of getting involved. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. This way I don't have to. I get to continue doing what I love to do...have fun! The rest of the group gets along really well. I'm really enjoying all the activities and hearing what each kid has to share about each section. It is sooo exciting seeing these kids learn more about the bible and God's love. I have even been able to answer some questions. To think one day they are going to remember whatever it is I told them. HOW COOL! I have made a difference! That feels so fantastic, to make that kind of impact, no matter how small it may be. All because I put aside my selfish desires and did what God wanted me to do. I'm gonna have to do this more often!

I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!